Better the Devil you know



How do you fix a problem if you don’t know exactly what the problem is?

Any ideas?

How would you even know there’s a problem to be fixed in the first place?

Any suggestions?

The answer is …Drum roll please 

…You don’t!

You don’t know there’s a problem so unsurprisingly, you don’t fix anything because you’re ok… Even if you’re not really.

I was definitely depressed long before November 2018, but it was my normal so I just got on with it …In a really flappy, disorganised, rapidly sinking in the deep end type of way…

“I just about have my nostrils above water, the rest of my body is submerged in crap but I’m alive and kicking sooooo I’m fine!”

In fact, I  thought it was really selfish of me to even consider falling to bits over nothing when I wasn’t starving, homeless or dying etc. These low feelings had to be pushed deep, deep, deep down and ignored. Everyone around wasn’t being “over emotional”, so what gave me the right to be?

Madness, absolutely exhausting madness! It had to stop. The doctor forced me to make it stop.

The day I went to see the doctor with a “Headache” and left with antidepressants, I was given the running fly kick up the butt I needed to sort out my shit. This was the second time they’d tried to get me to face up to the problem… The first time I got away with taking a sick note that simply said “Stress”. I didn’t give too many details, I took a week off and went back to work earlier than I should have…

This time was different, it took a good 45 minutes to get me to take the sick note and antidepressant prescription… Shocking since we all know GP’s are tight on time!

The only way to fix the issue is to admit there is one and then address it …we’ve all heard the the famous Alcoholics Anonymous introduction “Hello, my name is blah blah blah and I am an alcoholic” …You have to admit it, before you can quit it.

By taking that piece of paper with the word “Depression” printed in black and white on it,  I was forced to admit it was real… Unfortunately you can’t quite quit it, like you can alcohol, BUT I’m definitely not going to let it beat me!

I’ve managed to get this far with it, so I’ll be damned if I let it break me now! I’m not having it!

The Doctor has given me a label and I’ve grabbed it, albeit reluctantly, with both hands. I shall wear my new badge with pride! IT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF …I know what’s wrong, the elephant in the room has a name and I can finally address her properly…

This week I jumped at the opportunity to enroll on a Mental Health Awareness Level 2 course… That’s right folks, I’m hitting the books to empower myself. I’m going to learn all about this thing, because nobody wants to be popping pills forever!

In fact, I’d like to be off them by the end of the year! If not before …Dream BIG people!

I’m grabbing the bull by the horns and taking charge of this… Knowledge up, depression down! I shall tame the beast, like a super star! I’m going to confront this head on and shine ever so brightly in the spotlight, with Depression in the shadows… Waaaayyyyy in the back, behind a pillar, with restricted view of my life lol!

It’s funny how empowering the diagnoses of a condition can be!

“Better the Devil you know!”

Now it’s time to work with it, instead of against it… It’s a part of me and the label hasn’t changed the essence of who I am! I am still strong, beautiful and absolutely hilarious, so there… I’ll learn my triggers so I can avoid them and love myself properly.

I will win at this thing called life despite depression …Or maybe even because of it?

I cannot wait to share all the things I learn on this  Mental Health Awareness course with anyone who will listen, like a little Mental Health Super Hero, saving the world with handy tips of how to stay positive lol!

Knowledge is POWER! 

Even if this blog changed just one persons journey for the better, I would be absolutely chuffed! 

Or maybe I should say two people, because it’s already changing my own 🙂 

Love Bald Font XX

 

7 thoughts on “Better the Devil you know

  1. I love your blog, it’s always so positive and uplifting. Please continue to share the gems of info that you discover along your journey. I hope today was a good day and better than yesterday. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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