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Sometimes when my head is full, I let my thoughts out through poetry…

I write and it feels good… I read my poems out loud, on my own in my room, like a mini performance just for me and as I hear myself say the words, it feels like therapy

…And then I forget all about the little notepads I’ve scribbled in and find them many moons later, shoved at the back of drawers and under my bed! Shambles!

It’s time for change!

…Today I would like to share one of my many poems with you!

I wrote it almost 10 years ago and only shared it with my mum 2 weeks ago, so this is actually a pretty big thing for me!

Like this blog post, sharing my poetry is long overdue (SORRY! My time keeping will get better, promise!)

I really hope you enjoy it!

[Deep breath… Annnnd post!]

Happy

There’s no point starting afresh

With the same frame of mind that got you in to this mess

SO…

Might as well let life flow

Try to plant happiness, you reap what you sow

Here we go…

Not a lone woman, but my own woman

Not an “I” land, but no more “My man“

Do you see?

You feel me?

…I’m gonna do me!

I can be FREE!

But I can’t lie, everyone likes company

But from who?

Friends, family…

My baby…

…Baby Daddy?

Well…

What the hell

Might as well have him on the list

Rather than off the list

I don’t want to be a solo artist

I’m not that great a vocalist

But…

What I’m trying to say is…

I CAN DO THIS!

…But do I want this?

All this shit wasn’t on the list!

It’s not written down,

So it doesn’t need a tick

QUICK!

Somebody give me a hug…

I’m just looking for somebody to love

But wait…

My friends, my family

My baby

…Baby Daddy

And what about ME?

And last, but not least WoMan like

G

O

D

See?

Shouldn’t She make me happy?

Make my grey days seem sunny?

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine”

So I know I’ll be fine…

Right?

I think I lost sight…

Of what is important…

The only thing that is certain…

Faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain

It’s not a joke thing

So could you imagine

If my faith grew to the size of a pumpkin

…Or something

…Let me not get ahead of myself, I have a tendency to do that

But I can work on that!

Lets start small and see where we end at…

A pinch of salt

A grain of sand

I’m not on my own God is holding my hand

No!

Scratch that She is carrying me!

Sand…

Footprints…

Let me not get too deep and…

Cry…

No!

Smile…

“Though my heart is aching

Smile, even though its breaking”

No!

I’m smiling, because I am growing!

I confess I am healed, before it is done

But it has begun!

She loves me so deeply

She sent me Her son

So I’ll take this new frame of mind and run!

…Fly with it! Take it deeper than the depths of the sea!

Why?

Because Her only son died for me…

Her Baby, for my baby!

My friends

My family

EVERYBODY!

…My Baby Daddy?

Because I am loved, I can look back fondly

What will be…

What is TRULY meant to be

WILL BE

Despite me!

I’ve had a break through

She has a plan for me, true?

So why am I chasing you?

STOP!

I think now it’s time to get deep

When you look in the sand and see one set of feet don’t weep

Know that you’re safe in the palm of Her hand

And She won’t let you go till She knows you can stand

On your own two

But not just you…

Because She is in you

And shines out of YOU

And when You and I

Can stand up and say from the depths of our hearts

That this is TRUE

Then Me and You

Can truly

Be FREE!

For You to do You

And Me to do Me…

…And understand what it really means to be HAPPY

A poem By Rachel aka Bald Font

Thanks for reading…

Love Bald Font XX

Heart on my sleeve

**I wear my heart on my sleeve… back, neck, tummy, wrist, thigh, ankle, bum and pelvis ❤**

Literally…

…I’m referring to my tattoo’s 🙂 I love’em, I love’em, I love’em! Really I do!

Each one tells a story, some happy, some sad, some deep, some not so deep… But each VERY important to me and my journey …So if at any point you feel the need to express a negative opinion about them …DO NOT! Because with every word, you would actually be insulting my story…

That’s right, my Story!

It gets deeper…

Up until a few months ago, I would never have admitted that sometimes I feel depressed. Who ME!?! Depressed? No way! I just feel a little down, a nap will sort it and I’ll be back on track tomorrow

…I also would never, ever (ever!) link any of my beautiful drawings to self harm …ever!

But now…

…I’m not 100% sure …Its crazy!

I feel like a flower blossoming when I sit in the tattoo chair, like each drawing adds beauty to my being

But…

…The sting of the needle as it crosses my skin and tells the stories that are in my head, feels good to me… I love it …I feel strong!

Sitting in the chair not moving… No fidgeting, no sound bar the buzz of the needle… No breaks …I sit until the masterpiece is complete and after enduring the pain, I look at the pretty markings and I feel good.

It’s a release…

Are the two connected? I genuinely don’t know…

I obviously cannot speak for every single tattooed human being in the entire universe and I’m not trying to… I can only speak for myself

What if for me, they are connected in some way? …Could you imagine? …Would you still flippantly express your dislike of my tattoos? Would you still casually pick apart my “scars” ?

…It only crossed my mind days ago, during a counselling session, that the connection could even be a possibility…

I don’t think it’s why I do it… I LOVE my little doodles

But would it still feel good to you with your bare skin, to shower me with criticisms, whilst I desperately try to explain and justify the potential mini cries for help permanently etched on to my skin?…

The stylised peacock feather on my ankle = For my Dad (RIP) …It started as a small flower, but evolved overtime into the big piece it is today, much more fitting for the man he once was

The coloured butterflies on my forearm = 2 out of 3 miscarriages, my little rainbow babies the only coloured tattoos I have

The Roman numerals on my back = My daughters birthday …her Dad has the same …Can you believe that we once had a baby making, matching tattoos type of love? LOL! How things change!!!

My roses and honey suckle = The flowers of my birth month and a representation of me blossoming as I learn to love myself more

The two butterflies that fly among the flowers mentioned above = My daughter and I, beautiful, happy and free

The flower on my bum = Ironically, covers a scar caused by the injections I get to prevent my severe hayfever! Hayfever is a BISH and the scar was upsetting

My Ankh = Sits above the space that my right fallopian tube should be, but isn’t anymore. The Ankh represents Life …Life that I will create in the future, despite the missing tube… Speak it in to existence …And in my case draw it too 🙂

My Lotus’ (I have 3) = My growth… the lotus grows up through murky, swampy water to blossom in to something absolutely beautiful… Like me …I hope!

There are more pretty pictures etched lovingly on to my skin; an Om, the Zen circle, “Success” written in arabic on my neck, because failure is not an option! … And more. Each is a piece of me.

Some people write diaries, some people paint pictures …some write poetry, some even choreograph dances to express their feelings …I express my feelings on my skin …and although it may not be for you…

…IT’S NOT FOR YOU! …IT’S FOR ME!

Each is a stepping stone to feeling better, they make me happy

Is that a bad thing?

..My tattoo’s (my story) make me feel (more) Beautiful, they are part of who I am …I am a living work of art …& the last time I checked not one of them makes me a bad person …Soooo if you don’t approve, that’s ok! Just don’t poo, poo my Life Story with your personal opinions on the matter …You do not have to like my tattoos, not even a little bit …Just keep that view to yourself, thank you, please!

pinky

I’ve made a pinky promise to myself, to be unapologetically ME! 🙂

Imperfectly Perfect

Love yourself first… The rest will follow

Love Bald Font

xx

2019 MUST be better!

“2018 was a teeny bit not ok, 2019 MUST be better”
– Bald Font

So my 2018 didn’t quite go to plan! I started the year screaming “This is my year!“ and ended it screaming “Oh my God, help!“

I’d been bobbing along through 2018 like a normal well-rounded adult …I was adulting like a pro! …I mean, there was the tiniest blip around April, when I got signed off work with stress, but I dusted myself off after a couple of days, told no one and rolled back in to “life“ …as ya do!

After that unfortunate episode, I continued skipping along like nothing had happened, until one grey November morning, BOOM! My brain malfunctioned! …It quite literally shut down. I woke up with a terrible headache, went to the Doctors for some migraine tablets and left with a Doctors note, antidepressants and a little card with the contact details for a counsellor!

Not quite what I was expecting that Monday morning, I’d have been happy enough with some pain killers and strict instructions to nap regularly, but no… The doctor said I have depression. Uh oh!

Now, I’m not suggesting you all run out and “catch” depression, but I can honestly say as I sit and type this blog, that it has been one of the best things that could have happened to me! …Mental I know right (no pun intended), but it’s the kick up the bum I needed, to finally PROPERLY get myself together… I’m grabbing my future by the balls, there will be no overdosing on naps for me! I’m going to put myself back together from the inside out.

I’ve decided to actively NOT be depressed! The end.

I have no plan of how to not be depressed, I just know for sure this isn’t for me and I therefore will not be a part of this relationship for long. It’s crap and I don’t want it! …The antidepressants can stay for a while though, they are superb* …but everything else can jog on.

2018 was a teeny bit not ok, 2019 MUST be better, right? It better be!

I made a vision board last week of all the things I want for my future including starting this blog! So here it is… Yay me! Hopefully before the year is through, I’ll have covered all the bits and bobs on my board and more 🙂

Considering the recent events and a couple of past events too, I’m feeling surprisingly optimistic about the future! …Granted it might be the antidepressants that have put this spring in my step, but still! I’m taking it… and the pills …for now.

You’ll be able to read about how I muddle through life by following “Stories In Bald Font” I hope you’ll enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing …This adventure is going to be epic, tell ya friends!

Love Bald Font xx

*Take drugs responsibly